Nessie and Edward's Shopping Trip And Other Tales
by Keira Higurashi
Summary: Nessie's adventures in . . . life! Follow her through her life with the Cullens and the pack!
1. A LITTLE Idea

**A/N This is a one-shot. I got the idea from a grocery store. Don't ask.**

"Daddy! Can we go home _now?_" I whined impatiently.

"You're being silly. We just got here." My dad said shaking his head.

"But—"

"Hey, no buts." He said, raising his eyebrows.

I slumped my shoulders and sighed loud enough for him to hear.

That's when I saw an uptight lady eyeing my dad, satisfied that another woman wasn't with us. My mom was in the car, listening to my dad's CD. I smiled smugly, an idea popping into my head.

"I miss Mommy!" I turned back to my dad acting perfectly well.

"She's not far away, honey."

"I know." I looked down, trying to see the woman inconspicuously. "She's in here." I patted the place where my heart was.

"_Right_." My dad watched me closely, in suspicion. He knew something was up. I did my best to shield my plan by thinking of Mom back in the car.

The lady's smile soon turned to a smirk. Even I could tell she had some dirty thoughts in mind.

The lady started towards us, trying to look attractive. _Please!_ I thought. She had so much make up on, she looked like Krusty the Clown. Not to mention she was swaying her hips from side to side in an attempt to be seductive. My dad started to turn around, but she put her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey sailor boy, Mama's got a treat for you." I tried to muffle my laughter, and quickly shifted my thoughts back to Mom in the car, but it seemed Dad had already caught on to what the uptight lady was thinking.

"Um…Miss? Could you take your hand off me…" My dad paused, "Now?"

"I know you're single, big boy."

"Hmm, yes, I don't think so…" I bit my lip to hold the hysterical laughing fit that was just building. That was when my dad finally broke down. "I do not know what your problem is, woman. . . BUT I'M FREAKING MARRIED!"

I snickered, satisfied. My dad shoved his left hand in her face, increasing my laughing.

"B-b-but…your….your…" She didn't finish as Dad took my hand and stormed off in fury.

Once we were back at the car, Mom looked up at us in confusion. Once she saw my dad, she turned to me.

"So…what did you do to your father to make him mad?"

I smiled evilly at my dad and started.

**A/N Was it good or bad? Review please.**


	2. Uncle Em's Story

**A/N: Since a lot of people asked for more . . . I guessed that I could make a collection of tales for your enjoyment. Sorry for the wait, though! Hope you like!!!**

After my mom had calmed herself down from all the laughing, she gave me a stern look. "Now, Nessie, you need to apologize to your father."

Dad was visibly steaming. I giggled a bit then cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"For what young lady?" Mom mused.

"For making an uptight-"

"Be polite, dear."

I sighed then started over. "I'm sorry for tricking a _nice_-" I threw in for Mom "-lady into thinking you were single."

Dad started mumbling a few things that sounded like 'get in the car' and a few obscenities.

_Thirty minutes later . . . _

I snuggled into bed, satisfied with myself for earlier events. Uncle Emmett knocked on the wall and grinned. "Ready for story time?"

"Yep!" I said, sitting up and eyeing the stool next to my bed.

Emmett went to sit on the stool and took a deep breath, and everyone knew what Uncle Em's stories were like.

"It's time fooooooooor . . . THE SPIDER KID THEME SONG!!!! SPIDER KID, DUH DUH, SPIDER KID, DUH DUH! DOES WHATEV A SPIDER KID PERSON DOES!! CAN HE SWING FROM A WEB? NO HE CAN'T CUZ ALICE PUNCHED HIS LIGHTS OUT FOR HIS SUPER ULTRA BAD SENSE IN CLOTHING! WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT FOR AUNTIE ALIIIIIIIICEEEEE AND HER SWINGING BAT OF DOOM!!!!!!!!"

**(A/N BTW Emmett's song was sung to the Spider Pig song from the Simpson's Movie)**

"One day in the fight for justice, Spider Kid was eating his chocolate pickle chicken juice. When suddenly DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!!!!! Jackie Chan comes out and steals . . ."

"Money?" I suggested.

"No, silly! HIS GOLDEN TICKET! So anyway, Jackie Chan and his band of shadow ninjas corner Spider Kid, when Spider Kid calls upon the gods of—"

"Justice?" I interrupted once again.

"NO! The gods of thunder!! And they bring down from the heavens—"

"What Jackie Chan deserved?"

"NOOO! Dance Dance Revolution, DUH! And so, Jackie Chan and Spider Kid battled through several levels of dancing fever and their fave song, LOVE SHINE! Spider Kid was winning for the most part when Jackie Chan turned the tables and kicked Spider Kid off! But Spider Kid's REAL Golden Ticket went sailing through the air and landed under the couch to never be seen again."

"Wow . . ." I said in amazement. "It sounds like your fight the other day. But the Golden Ticket was the TV remote!"

Emmett paused then ran out, saying, "SPIDEY KID OUT!"

**A/N Well, I hope you're satisfied guys. Once again, sorry for the wait.**


End file.
